Why im ok with never becoming a mother

Now before you day “how could you not want to be a mother”, Let me explain where im coming from, but before I start, get comfortable.

You there? Good.

  When you think about the word mother what comes to mind? Comforter, caregiver, loving, supportive.   For most of you these were just a few of the words that came to mind  when I mentioned the word mother. Our moms are always there for us. Loving us unconditionally no matter how much we yell at them, or disobey them. They have and will always love us just the same in every and all circumstances.  But who ever said that a mother had to be the person who gave birth to us?  All the time we see birth mothers who never wanted to be mothers and don’t care for their children the way they deserve or need to be cared for. These children are left neglected, abused or eventually left to the care of the state in the foster care system. My heart aches for these children, and it is because of them I say im ok with never becoming a mother.

When I was born, I was diagnosed with turner syndrome, and by the age of six I understood that because of this disease, my female reproductive system would always be undeveloped essentially rendering me unable to ever have children, even if I was too young to understand the process of conception.  So when I say I’m ok with never becoming  a mother what I really mean is that im ok with never becoming a biological mother, but not just because I choose to  one day adopt children who no other mother wants,  but  because I refuse define myself as infertile, broken and  I refuse to embark on a relationship with thinking that his love is conditional on me being able to conceive a child. I want to encourage any woman who’s definition of motherhood as a physical process our bodies go through because, being deserving of the title of mother is so much more than that.   I choose to believe that this has been a big part of my testimony , that I was created as a woman capable of unconditional love for a child who is not my own.  For the past nine years I have been blessed with glimpses of what that love looks like when I think about my nieces and nephews.
    On those summer mornings when im  sitting  with my four year old nephew  watching cartoons and he looks up at me with his disheveled strawberry blond hair and blue eyes  and says “ I love you aunt kay kay”  I get a glimpse of what its like to be a mother, or when im watching a movie with my niece Bridgette and she falls asleep in my lap watching a Disney movie, I get a glimpse of what its like to be a mother and I can’t wait until the day  me and my future husband can adopt a child to love for the rest of our lives and I finally deserve the title of a true mother, but for the time being , I think im ok with  being just "aunt"